Do it for the Dogs. Part 2.

The fundraiser is going on through the end of the month! Please help this amazing cause!

Keep up to date with the whole process here at Who's Your Dachshund.

Nope.

Sooo this past weekend I went to the Miss Houston pageant. I know.

My very good friend was a contestant and I was SO proud of her for doing it. She did amazing.

BUTTT my inner judgey self was in heaven. Holy. Cow. These girls (not my friend) but the other ones who you could tell made their lives out of pageants were just unreal. I really wish I had been live blogging, it doesn't have the same effect after the fact. I can't even think of all the funny shit but I will recap a couple of things.

First of all, it was also the Miss Houston Teen within the same pageant. This was my favorite contestant.

Monica Suarez.

She had a mullet. A yellow/orangey mullet. She also had this look on her face like, "My mexican boyfriend just fucked me on the way over here and I am totally over it." No kidding. We totally predicted the Mexican boyfriend thing and it came true right before our eyes. I'll explain later.

This girl, who knows why she was doing this thing. She was SO OVER IT. Her sash looked like her Chihuahua had gotten a hold and not let go, it was all frayed and wrinkled. Her "evening gown" was a reject mall department store number and it was also as wrinkled as the sash. I really don't even have words to explain this. Of course my fellow pageant go-ers and I made up a life story for this girl complete with a Mexican boyfriend in a hot-rod type car and lots of cigarettes (shes also 8 weeks pregnant in our story) So anyway after long night of crappy dance routines, glitter and Lucite heels we make our way out to the valet. Monica had beat us there. BEAT US TO THE VALET. She was waiting with her MEXICAN BOYFRIEND for their car to get there. THIS GIRL IS PROBABLY 14 YEARS OLD. The valet pulls up with his car. A Bright Red Chevy COBALT with R A C I N G S T R I P E S. NOPE.

The whole thing was unbelievable. SO much more, but I cant remember all of the trainwrecks. I never knew so many pageant girls had fake tits. I was astonished. Check out all of shit show here...

Also I know this is way off topic but can I ask something? Why do people feel the need to put their 3-D ultrasound as their facebook pictures? WHY? I don't want to see your unborn baby. That is CREEPY. Spare me, spare everyone - For Zuckerberg's sake. This isn't what he wanted. Send an e-mail to your family members who care. Scratch that, most of them don't care either. I promise. NOPE.

Do it for the Dogs!

I will be traveling over the next week to Atlanta to see my family and vacationing a little with them in Florida. I am pretty pumped considering I haven't been to the beach in like 2 years.

Anyway...I added the donate widget (look right) for the Donate 4 Dachshunds Fundraiser. Please check it out and do what you can! Even if it's just spreading the word!


Catch you on the flip side.

Gretchen Update

This makes me feel a little better about myself. Please click. Thank you to A-Hole for the linky poo.

This almost needs no commentary. Accept I beg to differ with the title of the post. "We never guessed Gretchen Rossi's whole face is plastic" Well maybe you are a terrible guesser. Did you do really bad on multiple choice tests? True False? UGH I hated true/false in school. I always did so bad....

Maybe I wouldn't have guessed her whole face was plastic but I would have guessed some of it. What I never would have guessed is how horrendous she looked before. Give that surgeon an Nobel Peace Prize STAT (and also give him my phone number.)

A couple of things

First up something really really good:

Most of you know I have 2 Dachshunds. I follow this blog pretty regularly and it is one of my favorites! I even won an amazing coat for Penny through a contest they put on with www.noodleandfriends.com.

Anywiener...they are currently raising money for our favorite short-legged creatures! Everyone should donate! Please go here and check it out. Every bit counts! Whatever you can do, even if you just send it on to you friends/co-workers/fellow dog lovers/- Let's make it happen!


Next: Coming soon is the Saturday Shit Show.

I had dinner with some friends last night at Onion Creek (a new fav in town) and over $2 Heineken Lights we decided that the events from the previous weekend most definitely should have been caught on tape (i.e. karaoke of Wilson Phillips, Only our group of friends dancing in the corner of Chrisitans, the Westheimer block party and shots at 12:00 pm, MECHANICAL BOY, a crawfish boil where we were the utter rejects (see picture) and then finally Pearl Bar at 8:00 Pm with hulla-hoops (all of this happened in less than 48 hours).

The rejects: If you saw this picture tagged on facebook, that little group on the bottom left would be "us" and the big group at the top would be "the rest of the party"
So we are going to hire a Mexican named "Chuy" and get him to video tape our next weekend on the town. Definitely will be a crowd pleaser. I will post it here when it happens. I know you all can't wait.

God Bless America (and Bravo TV)

I love Gretchen from The Real Housewives of the OC. LOVE HER. Judge away, I don't care. She is my idol. I hope that one day I can rise up and be a golddigger like her. When people ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I say, "GRETCHEN ROSSI"

DAMN

Look at this post from IBBB: That is amazing. She is still wearing her 122434587485 carat engagement ring from the dead guy and kissing SLADE! Of all people, why Slade?! I guess it helps the show. GOD BLESS REALITY TELEVISION.

Honestly I was always on her side. She's hot, the old guy got to have a smoking hot fiance in his last moments of life and she really didn't get any money out of it in the end, so I think it was definitely win-win for everyone involved. Let's not forget to mention that I despise Tamara (and Vicki for that matter) and hope they burn to death in the Tanning bed Hell. They would have done the exact same thing in her situation and probably something much worse. Tamara is just jealous because she looks like she's 82 compared to Gretchen.

A new goal that I have set for myself is to be on Season 27 of The Real Housewives of the OC. Just wait bitches. You won't beleive your breat implants. It will be legendary. I guess in order to do that maybe I should sign up for sugardaddie.com. Yes it really exisits. Have fun.

More this week...I promise.

I ain't saying she's a golddigger...

Thank you Kanye. Thank you for alerting the masses to my tactics of getting rich for doing absolutely nothing. I will forever be indebted to you.


No really, most of you who know me know that my new life's goal is to marry rich. Love is for amateurs who know nothing about this crazy world we live in. I've tried it and it didn't work out.


Moving on...


Since moving to Texas I have made my life goal a little more specific in that I am setting my targets for a wealthy oil heir who has a trust fund and a father with a heart condition. Who am I kidding, I would probably just go for the father. HA. (I kid, I kid) ((sort of))


Anyoil ... I haven't yet been in too many situations that would lead me to said oil heir but ALAS tonight might be the first of hopefully many opportunities to meet my fella. I am going to some charity wine dinner out here in The Woodlands. My company has a reserved table so we will be front and center on the heir watching action. I have enlisted co-workers in on the plan to help me scope the field. I was told I could bring a date but since the one cute guy that I have met here so far would probably consider me a lunatic/call the police for asking him I am just going with my work peeps. Although to be funny I constructed a pseudo facebook message/text to send to said cute boy:


Dear XXXXXX: I know we have never spoken/texted/hung out/facebook chatted sober or but I was wondering if you would put on a suit and drive 30 mins North to The Woodlands and go on a date with me and my entire company. Love, Michelle


FML.



Here's to Porches and "working from home." Wish me luck bitches. I need it.


Oh and check out the Friday Drinking Game here on one of my favorite blogs.